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 Smokies Daily Joke Finds

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SmokieBear
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PostSubject: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Sat 02 May 2009, 5:17 am

These jokes are not made up by me so i take no credit btw viewers discretion is advised and if ur offended then thats TOO FREAKIN BAD! lmao

Statue of Limitations
A woman is in bed with her lover when she hears her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry!" she says "Stand in the corner." She rubs baby oil on him and dusts him with talcum powder.
"Pretend you're a statue!" she says. "Whats this?" the husband asks as he enters. "Oh, its a statue,"
She replies "The Johnsons bought one and I liked it , so I got one for us too." Around 2 am the husband gets up and goes to the kitchen and returns with a sandwich and a beer. "Here, have this," he says to the statue. "I stood like that for 2 days at the Johnsons and nobody offered me a damn thing."
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PostSubject: LOL!!!   Sun 03 May 2009, 3:02 am

love that one
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Sun 03 May 2009, 8:05 am

LOL
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PostSubject: look what i found^^   Mon 04 May 2009, 12:56 am

DEATH WISH
As services are letting out of a Catholic church, a young boy is hit by a speeding car. The driver jumps outin horror. Afraid of the boy might die, he asked him "You want me to get the priest?" The boy opens his eyes, looks up at the man and says, "How can you possibly think about sex at a time like this?"
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Mon 04 May 2009, 7:21 pm

nice ones lol
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PostSubject: more jokes^^   Mon 11 May 2009, 1:52 pm

LOWERING THE BAR
A man and a woman notice each other sitting alone at the opposite ends of a bar. The woman says, "You here all by urself?" The guy replies, "Yeah my wife left me because im into kinky sex." The woman replies, "My boyfriend dumped me for the same reason. Why dont we go back to my place and see what happens." They go back to her apartment and when the woman comes outof her bedroom, shes wearing a gas mask and holding a whip, but the guy is halfway out the door. "Hey i thought we were going to have some kinky sex," she says. The guys says "Well i fucked ur cat and shat in ur purse. Thanks for the lovely evening."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Tue 12 May 2009, 9:46 am

Above one is the best joke I've heard in a while. Thanks Smokie
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Tue 12 May 2009, 6:45 pm

NO NUDE TAXES

A woman visits an accountant to file her taxes. He asks her, "What's your occupation?" The woman says, "Im a hooker." The accountant balks and says, "Oh, we cant say that. Lets try to rephrase it." "Ok. How about prostitute?" the woman suggests. "Still too crude," the accountant says. They both think for a minute and the woman blurts out, "Lets say Im a chicken farmer!" "What does a chicken farmer have to do with being a prostitute?" the accountant asks. The woman answers, "I raised 5,000 cocks last year!"
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Tue 12 May 2009, 9:28 pm

Thats awesome!
No cock raising for Sally thou I bet lol
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Wed 13 May 2009, 4:07 pm

ANIMAL MAGNETISM

GMJoLt asks a farmer for his daughters hand in marriage. "Prove youre worthy." says the farmer. "Go screw that cow in the pasture." "Anything for her." So JoLt humps the cow and returns. "Now can we wed?" he asks. The farmer points to a goat and when JoLts done with the goat he points to a pig. "You can marry her," the farmer says finally. "Screw that," replies JoLt. "How much for the farm?"
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Thu 14 May 2009, 2:39 pm

CANT COME IN TODAY
An angry boss calls his chronically late employee at home. "You were suppose to be here an hour ago!" he bellows, "Sorry boss," replies the worker, "but i wont be in today i have anal glaucoma." "What the hell is that?" the boss asks "It means i cant see my ass coming to work."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Fri 15 May 2009, 5:55 pm

Carnival Lust
A guy gets invited back to a womans apartment after a long night on the town. After a little foreplay they get down to it. The guy finishes and notices the girl has alot of stuffed animals. Feeling supremely confident he asks, "So how was i?" the girl calmly replies, "Take something from the bottom shelf."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Sat 16 May 2009, 5:24 pm

Smoking Pole
A man cheating on his not so bright girlfriend puts a condom in his wallet. Going though his pants one day, the dim dame finds it and unsure what it is, asks her philandering boyfriend. Thinking quickly, he says, "That is a condom, and it goes over your cigarette so you can smokie in the rain. They sell them at the pharmacy." believing him, she goes to the pharmacy and asks for some condoms. "No problem." says the clerk, "What size would you like?" She replies "Just big enough to fit a camel."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Sat 16 May 2009, 7:06 pm

Haha! lol
I love reading jokes <3 thanks Smokie
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Sun 17 May 2009, 3:26 pm

Numbers Game
Four businessman are having lunch when the first, an American, brags he has four kids and one more child will give him a basketball team. The Canadian says thats nothing. 1 more ill have the hockey. The Japanese man, not to be outdone, claims he has 8 kids and with the next one he'll have a baseball squad. The Arab businessman looks at them and says, "I have 17 wives, 1 more and ill have a golf course."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Sun 17 May 2009, 3:53 pm

LOL
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Mon 18 May 2009, 7:05 pm

Happy & Sad
A husband and wife are sharing a bottle of wine when the husband says, "Ibet you cant tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time." The wife thinks for a few moments then says, "Your dick is bigger then your brother's."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Tue 19 May 2009, 1:51 am

LMAO I love reading this everyday thanks Smokie!


Oh I love it! I love you I love you I love you
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Tue 19 May 2009, 7:51 pm

Theena wrote:
LMAO I love reading this everyday thanks Smokie!


Oh I love it! I love you I love you I love you

agreed, thanks smokie i look forward to seeing a new post from you everyday under this topic
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Thu 21 May 2009, 12:09 am

Drinking to Forget
Royce walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me 13 margaritas." The bartender says, "Wow, thats quite an order. Whats the occasion?" royce replies, "Well, I'm celebrating my first blow job." "That is something to celebrate. Tell you what, how bout one more on the house? says the bartender. "No thanks. If 13 doesnt get the taste out of my mouth nothin will."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Fri 22 May 2009, 12:45 am

Hail to the Beach
A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach. After a while he is approached by 3 gorgeous women, who take pity on him. The first 1 says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?" "Why no, cant say that i have." he replies, shaking his head. So she leans down and gives him a hug. The 2nd woman says to him, "Have you been kissed?" He shakes his head again. She kisses him. Rather abruptly the 3rd asks, "Have you been fucked?" "No" says the man, his eyes lighting up. Then she says, "Well you are now. The tides coming in."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Sat 23 May 2009, 1:48 am

Now that's Amore

A Greek and an Italian are arguing about whose culture is superior. The Greek guys says, "Well, we have the Parthenon." "We have the Colosseum." the Italian replies. "We gave birth to advanced mathmatics." the Greek retorts. "But we built the Roman Empire." the Italiand challenges. Finally the Greek says triumphantly, "We invented sex!" "That may be true," replies the Italian, "But we introduced it to women!"
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Mon 25 May 2009, 11:49 pm

Facing Facts

A woman stops by the market to purchase milk, eggs, and bacon. A drunk standing behind her in the line says, "You must be single." "You're right," says the woman, "You can tell that from my purchases?" "No," says the drunk, "Because you're ugly."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Wed 27 May 2009, 5:02 pm

Oh HELL YEAH!

A guy dies and arrives in hell. He's met by the devil, who tells him that everyone in hell picks how they want to spend the next 1000 years. The devil leads the guy to room after room of torture, each one even more unspeakable then the one before it. In one room the condemned are screaming in a giant lake of fire. In another demons are stabbing them with pitchforks. Finally, the devil leads the guy trembling into a room where a hot young blonde is preforming hardcore oral on a smelly old bum drinkin beer. "This is more like it!" the guys says. "Are you sure?" the devil says. "It last for 1000 years!" "Oh yes im sure!? the guy replies. So the devil walks over to the young woman and says, "You can go now honey, ive found your replacement."
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PostSubject: Re: Smokies Daily Joke Finds   Fri 29 May 2009, 7:01 pm

DOUBLE FEATURE!!!!!!

As an airplane an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If im going to die, i want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

Three guys go to a ski lodge and there arent enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the nite, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild vivid dream that i was getting a hand job!" This wakes up the guy on the left who says, "Goddamn, that is so weird! I had the same dream!" Just then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "Thats funny, i dreamed i was skiing!"
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